Are You a Real Parent or Are You Faking It?

Parents, guardians, and/or care takers are supposed to teach and guide the intellectual, physical, emotion, and spiritual development of the children under their care.  However, a role reversal often takes place when the guiding adult has issues.  Parentification is the term coined to describe this.

Issues are so prevalent today.  What adult doesn’t have them? We’re all susceptible because we live in a very broken world.  Those who are educated, highly religious, and living in the developed world are not immune.  What a crushing blow!  Could it be that this is the world wide epidemic, not Zika, HIV, or Swine Flu?  I believe so.

Inappropriately expressed anger usually begets more anger unless you have an amazing leader like Ghandi, MLK Jr,  or Mandela inspiring otherwise.

Anger in and of itself is not wrong.  I felt refreshed by Elizabeth Brown’s writing in  Living Successfully with Screwed-Up People.  She said,  anger is “completely natural and perfectly legitimate.”  All agree with the first statement.  But few of us have been taught the latter.

Where does anger come from?  It’s the natural response from feeling hurt from a painful experience.  The nature of what triggered the hurt and how the recipient perceives it often explains why it can escalate into ugly or it is benign.

The predominate culture along with prevalent indifference impede the ability for many to feel the hurt.  Consider the statements, “Oh it’s not that bad.” “Think of someone who has it worse.” “You’ll get over it.” “Buck up, be a man.” Few are permitted much less encouraged to feel the hurt.  We need more to teach like Dr. Christina Hibbert does in her TEARS acronym.  The theme I reiterate with my daughter is “You need to feel it in order to heal from it.”

But in our culture who wants to see their child hurt?  No one.  I stood helpless at my daughter’s bedside watching her endure the pain of the gas following her emergency appendectomy.   The doctors and nurses instructed that she needed to get walking to get the gas out. So I had to encourage her to feel the pain by getting out of bed and walk as much as she could tolerate to get the gas out.

Oh, and then how embarrassing.  She’s producing disgusting sounds and leaving behind repulsive smells as she encounters strangers walking in excruciating pain through the corridors of the hospital.  What a great analogy for what often needs to happen for us to heal our emotional wounds!

To complicate healing we live in a culture swayed strongly by marketing that drives the economy.   Society is constantly bombarded with subtle messages of what a good parent looks like that is really a hook to get you to buy something.  This has led to a generation of spoiled children who believe they are entitled to everything without having to do any work.  Check out Dr. Madeline Levine to explore further.   Also, marketing is constantly feeding us lies that if we buy this product, use this service, or take this trip then we will feel happy.

To add further,  we are so overwhelmed with what we need to know and do that we’ve become ignorant in so many ways.  How many terms did I use that you really don’t know.   And if you think you know on a conscious level do you on a subconscious level?

Let’s work at feeling, healing, growing up into mature men and women who are equipped to be real parents and youth leaders rather than fake ones like the woman who kidnapped Rapunzel and brainwashed her by isolating her in a tall tower deep within the forest.  Stop faking it.



Does every teen need to rebel?

Not all adolescents rebel nor need to. How would any of us ever survived teaching middle school if they ALL have to? lol!

This is a lie. The ones who rebel are usually the ones coming from some sort of hurting or controlling environment. Did they lose a parent due to divorce? Death? Or were the parents very controlling or never available emotionally from the start? What other trauma occurred?

Rapunzel (in Disney’s movie version) got wise advice from Flyn. She did have to rebel against her mother. For her mother was keeping her from growing up. She had isolated her and prevented her from doing so in order to meet her own selfish needs. She, the mother, never learned how to meet her needs appropriately through healthy adult relationships. She believed the only way to get those needs met was to do so through manipulative control.

Too many parents never received or experienced healthy love themselves when they were children. They only “know” how to manipulate to get what they want. Their “love” (or better lack there of) comes from their fears of being known, accepted and loved.

Love frees.  Fear controls. By which are your motivated by?


Bully Prevention Month 2015

Click on    to see why Rojo fits in perfectly for Bully Prevention Month inspiration.

Click on RojoWhether you are big or small  to download a coloring page in English

RojoWhether you are big or smallEspanol2 to download a coloring page in Spanish

#BeKind #BeRespectful

School’s In

Rigor in the classroom. Click on the statement in green for an informative article on educational rigor written by Laurie Futterman in the Miami Herald on August, 11, 2015.

Rigor should not be confused with oppressive work load.  If you feel your child is overwhelmed with too much homework, speak up.  Talk to the teacher and be your student’s advocate.

Not all teachers or administrators fully understand how to implement rigor in a motivational way.  Plus our society’s innate laziness may initially counter it.  Self-discipline and delayed gratification are lost practices of our day.

I love what technology has to offer, but it too easily enables “dumb-ing down.” It’s not politically correct to bring up our weaknesses, ie. laziness, but we only fool ourselves by pretending they don’t exist.

While we embrace what technology has to offer, let us not forget to build a strong foundation with basic skills.  And may we remember to practice them often least they get lost while we push buttons.

#rigor #parenting

Endangered Species Day May 15, 2015

Special days like “Endangered Species Day” are designated to increase awareness and understanding of how humans can better care for their shared environment with a multitude of different species.

Click on EndangeredSpeciesDay2015 to open a complimentary lesson for 4th-6th Grade Students.    Check out “Rojo, The Baby Red Panda at the Zoo” to accompany.  After all books are critically endangered too.  Click on Beyond the Classroom: Books — a critically endangered species by Laurie Futterman


Autism Awareness Day

Feeling trapped in being completely misunderstood.  Struggling to fit in with the norm.  Acting out in frustrated emotion from the two.  And then the cycle starts all over.   Does this describe autism?

I wrote “Rojo, The Baby Red Panda at the Zoo” from observing how often those frustrated by whatever limits them,  behave in self-destructive ways that originate from pity party thinking.

Misinformation will lead others to think incorrectly about us.  Most of us don’t know that red pandas were named panda 40-50 years prior to the giant panda.  Most of us think pandas have to be big, black, and white.

Likewise, how much do we not know as a society about autism?  Do we miss out on how these humans contribute to our lives just as much as the rest of us who may not struggle with autism?

Be inspired as Rojo learns to reject the misinformed view kids have about her as she learns to embrace what God had in mind by creating her as a red panda instead of a giant panda.   Check out a copy today at your favorite online retailer.

#LIUB World Autism Awareness #autismawareness #books #Parents # kids #Red Panda